Turn Signal

Do you ever consider the moments in your life that you know with 100% certainty were the turning points? Like, you know that if you had made a different choice in that moment, you wouldn’t be the person you are today? 

I think about those moments a lot. 

Some of them are stories I’ve told a million times now. Like the time when I accidentally stumbled upon a new high school that changed the trajectory of my life. If I hadn’t decided I didn’t want to go to the big local high school, if I had chosen a different small school to attend, if I had missed the opportunity to register for my high school, I would have never discovered my passion for agriculture, or civic engagement, or giving a voice to rural America. All this because I got a flyer in the mail one day. 

There are also some moments that I don’t talk about. Even in my own head I don’t know how to tell the story of the end of my teaching career. It was a slow death, and yet the final moments felt like they came out of nowhere. Sometimes I wonder what it would have been like if I had just toughed it out. Would I have made it through the year? Would I still be in a classroom today? I don’t know. But I do know that life forced my hand and made me choose. Even if it was a snap decision, it was one of those moments where I just had to follow my instinct, as gut-wrenching as it was. My entire perceived identity, gone in an instant. 

And yet, if I hadn’t made the choice, I wouldn’t have found my dream job. And I mean, literally my dream job, as in I dreamed about being in this exact role when I met the previous person who had my spot while I was in college. It’s the type of role that is so unique, so special, that if I had missed my chance to snag it when I did, I don’t think I would have ever had the opportunity again. It really was a case of “when one door closes, another one opens.” 

But the most recent turning point was maybe the biggest one I’ll ever face. 
This one truly is a moment where my life can be categorized as “before” and “after.” 

Surgery. 

When you make the choice to remove something as important as your uterus AND ovaries, you really have to know what’s on the other side and be ready for it. This wasn’t a choice I stumbled across. It wasn’t a snap decision. It was a painstakingly thought through choice that took me years to fully come to terms with. I tried everything before I made chose this path - but when it came down to it, this was my choice. Despite what I heard from others and those who tried to sway me, this was MY choice. 

And it’s a choice that I will thank myself for the rest of my life for making.